Monday, 18 March 2013

Bakers Dozen

Roll up, roll up one and all, let me tell you a tale short yet tall!
The following tale is about the most famous circus in all the world. This circus is known as the Bakers Dozen mainly because of the amount of people there whose second name was baker. It was a family circus that toured all over the known world and consisted of thirteen people. The ringmaster was Albert Baker, the eldest whose wife had died several years before the following events. He had five children, four children in laws and three grandchildren. The eldest was Benjamin Baker, the circus strongman, and his wife Savannah, an animal tamer. Next is the eldest girl Helen Baker, the acrobat, and her husband Jerry- who had taken his wife's name as he wanted to be part of the Baker family- Baker, who in charge of arranging the next stop. Next was the second eldest son Robert Baker, the clown, and his wife Cathy, who shared his occupation. Next was the last son, Ewan Baker, the magician, his wife Sarah, an escapologist, their son Samuel- or Sam- Baker, who did close up magic and assisted his father, and their daughter Esme, who did close up escapology and assisted her mother. Finally, Janet, the hypnotist, and her daughter Annie, who fixed everything and made sure all the acts were prepared. On the average performance night, the circus tent was an explosion of life. Much like tonight.
The circus had pulled up to Janta Town where people had traveled to for miles around. Upon arrival, it had been Annie's duty to prepare the scarlet and mustard tent. She pulled out the frame and put the cover in the middle, next she tied ropes to a collection of points on the canvas of the tent. Next she pulled on  just one rope and the tent was pulled into place. She then pulled all the chairs and pop corn machines in for the nights performance. Whilst she did this the rest of the family- par Jerry- were preparing for the nights performance. Albert was practicing his speech, Benjamin was picking up the lion cage and his wife who was feeding it a chunk of beef, Helen was balancing on the corner of her table, Bob was  throwing custard pies at the mirror, Cathy was making sure she couldn't spin the plate she had balanced on a stick, Ewan was standing in mid air, Sarah was climbing out of the cars glove box, Sam was pushing a card through the window, Esme was handcuffing herself to a horse and then making it run whilst she disconnected herself and Janet was hypnotizing a melon.
Finally the show arrived and ,whilst the performers braced themselves for the performance, many travelers flocked through the gate and bought tickets by the dozen. Annie struggled to serve them all but luckily Savannah had trained a monkey to help her. The monkeys name, by the way, was Mister Monkey. At last the audience were quiet and Annie activated the floodlights which drowned out the normal light and showered Albert with glorious light. "Hello, Hello, Hello! I am the ringmaster of our dear circus this is because I have been many years! But I, myself, have been labelled a chef! Now then tonight, for your entertainment and for mine, we have the Mystifying Ewan! The Eternally Free Sarah! The Strong and Mighty Benjamin! The Taming Savannah! The Hypnotizing Janet! The Agile Helen! The Enchanting Samuel! The Escaping Esme! The Boggled Bob! And The Confused Cathy!"
An explosion of applause rippled across the circus tent and yet again the room became quiet. The lights went out and the ringmaster headed out of the tent. "Right then," the ringmaster whispered, "Sarah, you're up first. Esme, I want you with her and then you follow. Understand?" They nodded. "Good."
"Has anybody got any problems?" Asked Annie, who didn't need to control the lights because Mr Monkey would.
"I need the clown cart fixed." Said Cathy.
"And I need you to fix one of the ropes on the acrobats harness." Said Helen.
"And I need you to sit in the audience with this apple during my performance." Said Samuel.
Meanwhile, in the circus tent, Sarah and Esme were explaining their act. Sarah would be put, upside down, inside a cage and locked up, then lowered into a tank of water with no oxygen supply. Therefore if she hadn't escaped in thirty seconds she would be dead. The trick was based on something that Houdini had invented. Luckily it worked and so, instead of calling the ambulance, Esme escaped from a rampaging horse. Now, because the following acts aren't so exciting, I'll give a brief summary. Benjamin came on and picked up several people, Savannah stuck her head into a lions mouth and came back out with her head still connected to her neck, Helen jumped through the sky with no safety net and Bob and Cathy fell over a lot and crashed into things with the clown car which fell apart. Now Ewan and Samuel came on. First Ewan walked over to his son and asked him to lie down on a wooden crate, he clicked his fingers and the boy flew upwards. Next he waved his left arm under the boy and above him proving there was no ropes or hidden stands. Then came young magicians turn to shine.
"I will now select a member of the audience." He choose Annie.
"Now throw me the apple you're holding." She did so.
"Watch!" He instructed. He put it in front of his mouth and took a bite. Next he waved his hand in front of the apple and it was restored. He walked off, keeping the apple.
You may now be wondering what this story could be about but I'm distressed to report that it gets worse. Finally Janet walked on. She sat down and asked all the adult performers to join her on stage. She said some words and explained she would hypnotize the adult performers. I will not tell you what she said as it is so awful that I cannot dare to type it. But when she said it there was absolute silence. The Baker Children walked out and saw a sight so terrible it chills them to the bone even now.
The sight that every adult in the circus had collapsed into a sleep with quite an elusive awakening.               

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