Monday, 25 March 2013

Bakers Dozen (part 2)

"I hate waiting rooms." Said Esme, the junior escapologist.
"All our family has been hypnotized unconscious and all you can think about is the state of our surroundings?" Asked her brother, Sam who was a budding magician.
"Oh shut up, the two of you!" Said Annie, their cousin and the mechanic of the circus. Let me fill you in.
Bakers Dozen is a very famous circus, and whilst performing at Janta Town, the last act hypnotized all the adults in the circus. Although the three children were in a state of shock, they still manged to call the ambulance who transported all one hundred adults and the three children to the hospital. They are now waiting whilst the doctors perform tests.
"I can't believe Mister Monkey was hypnotized as well." Said Annie.
"Come on Annie," said Sam. "As nice as Monkey man-" his nick name for the ape-"was we have bigger things to worry about."
"Here's the doctor." Said Esme as the doctor walked in.
"Right. I have good and bad news. The good is that all of the audience will be cured because the are medically insured. The bad news is that  your parents aren't as they don't have an official job."
Sam was a bit annoyed. "How much will it be?"
"Six Hundred pounds for each of them."
"That's six thousand altogether!" Cried Annie.
"Good maths. But it gets worse. The only doctor who can perform the correct surgery is only in town for two days. Which means you'll have  to raise that cash by then."
"We'll think about it." Said Esme which got strange looks from her family.

As I have already mentioned, the three children are part of a circus. Sam, a magician, Esme, an escapologist, and Annie, the mechanic, had one thing in common: they could all act very well. Although it isn't the best skill, it would come in handy. Anyway;
"The circus has about six hundred thousands in spare money so we can save one member."  Said Esme.
"We can't choose!" Said Sam.
"No way!" Said Annie.
"Don't be silly! I'm just saying, we only need to raise five thousand four hundred pounds."
"And how do we raise that?" Asked Annie.
"With cons."
"What? As in 'hand is quicker than the eye so the lady isn't where you think she is' cons?" Asked Sam.
"Most streets here are patrolled by police man though." Pointed out Annie.
"So we'll distract them." Said Sam. "I think it would probably be best if we have Esme distracting them."
"I'll challenge them to stop me from breaking out of their handcuffs!" She answered.
"But what if we get caught?" Asked Annie.
"We won't..." Replied Sam
"It would seem wise for me to a card trick," Said Sam. "I'll do Three Card Monte."
"What can I do?" Asked Annie.
"Quick change change!" Said Sam.
"What's a quick change change?"
"Let me show you."
He took her down to the hospital shop where he pulled out a ten pound note and a one pound coin. He picked up a pound camera that was rather tacky but worked. He continued to the counter where he asked the shop keeper if he could spare nine pound change as he only had a ten pound note. The shop keeper gave Sam nine pounds in coins. Next Sam pulled out the pound coin and said, "I've only just  found the a pound. Tell you what, give me ten pound."
The shop keeper did so.
"Ok, change this twenty in change into a twenty of notes."
He did so.
They walked out into the car park and Sam gave the twenty pounds to Esme. "Ten pounds is our first score."
They spent most of the morning performing the Three Card Monte, Quick Changing Change and escapology for most of the morning. By lunchtime, they were eighty pounds up. "Next is the badger." Said Esme.
"The what?" Asked Annie.
"The badger." Said Sam. "The idea is that someone distracts the mark who has just come out of a shop holding a bag. The someone- or a con- is distracting the man and points towards a map held away from the bag which the man has too put down. The con distracts the mark away from the put down bag allowing another con to come and replace the bag with an empty bag therefore stealing whatever the mark had bought."
"Ok." said Annie.
"I'll play the second con." Said Esme who knew she could run fast and pick up the bag.
"And I'll play the first con doing the distracting." Said Annie.
"I'll tell you what!" Said Sam. "I'll pick pocket the mark as well."
They spent most of the afternoon performing the badger at different places so they never got caught and then demanding a refund after going back in. Finally they hit one thousand pounds.
But they still had a fair way to go!

Monday, 18 March 2013

Bakers Dozen

Roll up, roll up one and all, let me tell you a tale short yet tall!
The following tale is about the most famous circus in all the world. This circus is known as the Bakers Dozen mainly because of the amount of people there whose second name was baker. It was a family circus that toured all over the known world and consisted of thirteen people. The ringmaster was Albert Baker, the eldest whose wife had died several years before the following events. He had five children, four children in laws and three grandchildren. The eldest was Benjamin Baker, the circus strongman, and his wife Savannah, an animal tamer. Next is the eldest girl Helen Baker, the acrobat, and her husband Jerry- who had taken his wife's name as he wanted to be part of the Baker family- Baker, who in charge of arranging the next stop. Next was the second eldest son Robert Baker, the clown, and his wife Cathy, who shared his occupation. Next was the last son, Ewan Baker, the magician, his wife Sarah, an escapologist, their son Samuel- or Sam- Baker, who did close up magic and assisted his father, and their daughter Esme, who did close up escapology and assisted her mother. Finally, Janet, the hypnotist, and her daughter Annie, who fixed everything and made sure all the acts were prepared. On the average performance night, the circus tent was an explosion of life. Much like tonight.
The circus had pulled up to Janta Town where people had traveled to for miles around. Upon arrival, it had been Annie's duty to prepare the scarlet and mustard tent. She pulled out the frame and put the cover in the middle, next she tied ropes to a collection of points on the canvas of the tent. Next she pulled on  just one rope and the tent was pulled into place. She then pulled all the chairs and pop corn machines in for the nights performance. Whilst she did this the rest of the family- par Jerry- were preparing for the nights performance. Albert was practicing his speech, Benjamin was picking up the lion cage and his wife who was feeding it a chunk of beef, Helen was balancing on the corner of her table, Bob was  throwing custard pies at the mirror, Cathy was making sure she couldn't spin the plate she had balanced on a stick, Ewan was standing in mid air, Sarah was climbing out of the cars glove box, Sam was pushing a card through the window, Esme was handcuffing herself to a horse and then making it run whilst she disconnected herself and Janet was hypnotizing a melon.
Finally the show arrived and ,whilst the performers braced themselves for the performance, many travelers flocked through the gate and bought tickets by the dozen. Annie struggled to serve them all but luckily Savannah had trained a monkey to help her. The monkeys name, by the way, was Mister Monkey. At last the audience were quiet and Annie activated the floodlights which drowned out the normal light and showered Albert with glorious light. "Hello, Hello, Hello! I am the ringmaster of our dear circus this is because I have been many years! But I, myself, have been labelled a chef! Now then tonight, for your entertainment and for mine, we have the Mystifying Ewan! The Eternally Free Sarah! The Strong and Mighty Benjamin! The Taming Savannah! The Hypnotizing Janet! The Agile Helen! The Enchanting Samuel! The Escaping Esme! The Boggled Bob! And The Confused Cathy!"
An explosion of applause rippled across the circus tent and yet again the room became quiet. The lights went out and the ringmaster headed out of the tent. "Right then," the ringmaster whispered, "Sarah, you're up first. Esme, I want you with her and then you follow. Understand?" They nodded. "Good."
"Has anybody got any problems?" Asked Annie, who didn't need to control the lights because Mr Monkey would.
"I need the clown cart fixed." Said Cathy.
"And I need you to fix one of the ropes on the acrobats harness." Said Helen.
"And I need you to sit in the audience with this apple during my performance." Said Samuel.
Meanwhile, in the circus tent, Sarah and Esme were explaining their act. Sarah would be put, upside down, inside a cage and locked up, then lowered into a tank of water with no oxygen supply. Therefore if she hadn't escaped in thirty seconds she would be dead. The trick was based on something that Houdini had invented. Luckily it worked and so, instead of calling the ambulance, Esme escaped from a rampaging horse. Now, because the following acts aren't so exciting, I'll give a brief summary. Benjamin came on and picked up several people, Savannah stuck her head into a lions mouth and came back out with her head still connected to her neck, Helen jumped through the sky with no safety net and Bob and Cathy fell over a lot and crashed into things with the clown car which fell apart. Now Ewan and Samuel came on. First Ewan walked over to his son and asked him to lie down on a wooden crate, he clicked his fingers and the boy flew upwards. Next he waved his left arm under the boy and above him proving there was no ropes or hidden stands. Then came young magicians turn to shine.
"I will now select a member of the audience." He choose Annie.
"Now throw me the apple you're holding." She did so.
"Watch!" He instructed. He put it in front of his mouth and took a bite. Next he waved his hand in front of the apple and it was restored. He walked off, keeping the apple.
You may now be wondering what this story could be about but I'm distressed to report that it gets worse. Finally Janet walked on. She sat down and asked all the adult performers to join her on stage. She said some words and explained she would hypnotize the adult performers. I will not tell you what she said as it is so awful that I cannot dare to type it. But when she said it there was absolute silence. The Baker Children walked out and saw a sight so terrible it chills them to the bone even now.
The sight that every adult in the circus had collapsed into a sleep with quite an elusive awakening.               

Monday, 11 March 2013

Gravity Chasers Returns (part 4)

They landed the vessel, burning the wings on the entry into the atmosphere, and got suited into the suits that Quintus had built for them. Outside of the glass window of the vessel they could see caves and rocks. Because of this, the team had strapped harness's to their suits so they could pothole. The suits were designed to diolute the gasses outside and allow the oxygen through. The childrens suits could be described as tin foil baby grows with glass visors which had mouth gaurds on. But anyway, the children clambered out of the airlock and down to the rock. The gravity was moving and to be able to stay on the floor you had to run! They towards the caves, chasing the gravity which- to an outisder- would look like the strangest activity in the multiverse! Upon the surface of a planet, a group of tin foil clad children running for no exact reason, occasionly bouncing into the sky and then, after moving forward a bit, falling back down to the ground. Finally they arrived by the rocks and made the secnd leg of their descent.
They tied the ropes from their harnesses to the stalites coming out from the mouth of the cave. They moved forward and started to edge their way towards the edge. Once there they lowered themselves down into the depth of the chasm. About half way down, they started to crawl through a small tunnel that had lots of rocks sticking into their path. This was called 'potholing' and Ark was the only child who had done it in the past. He went once with his father before the great storm and his father had been exceptionaly good at it. This memory kept him going through the cold and hard surface of the everlasting tunnel.
Finally they arrived at a clearing where, to there great amazement, they saw Arks father trapped inside a metal cage! Ark ran over to his father with glee in his eye and said, "Father! I'm so happy to see you at last! How can I get you out of this cage?"
"Did you bring the key my son?"
"What key?"
"The key in our sunken town?"
"Here, let me draw you a map and then you can go get it." He set about doing so.
"But it'll take us ages to get there!"
"I know but it's the only way. Now take the map and go before my captors get you!"
They ran quickly back to the vessel  to the sound of Charles Chimneair shouting, "Run my little gravity chasers!"
And then Charles did something very strange. He opened the cage, walked out and muttered, "run my little gravity chasers as your lives depend on it."

To be continued...

Monday, 4 March 2013

Gravity Chasers Returns! (part 3)

By now they were accustomed to the squealing of pin against vinel. It was a warning that Quintus was going talk, so when they had just reached space and the oxygen cans activated they weren't surprised by the squeaking and squealing sound of the talking equipment.
"Hello." Said the automaton.
"Hello," replied Ark who was fed up of Quintus saying hello over and over again.
"There is a burn on the propeller."
"So who is going to fix it?"
"No one."
"But why?"
"Because we set fire to it."
"According to my calculations, a powerful force- such as leaving the earths atmosphere- will burn certain things. So because we didn't need the propeller we redirected the heat towards it."
Quintus went off to talk to his reflection, another new discovery of his, whilst Ark and Liz played with the penguin/parrot which they'd named Squawks, this however wasn't the only name. Upon hearing the name of Squawks Will wanted to call it 'whichever sound a penguin makes!
A few hours later and everyone was calm. Liz was handling the controls- with some help from Ark-  whilst Will snored from his hammock. All was calm, no Squawking- or whatever sound it is that a penguin makes- or squeaking or tinkering. But suddenly there was an explosion of sound- a cacophany if you will- as a giagantic metal galleon whizzed pass them! Upon it were exactly 98 iron lords of the tanklor district! Out of his hammock, Will was knocked and sleepily he legged it to the control panel. Ark and Liz stepped back but Will needed them. Pulling up a chair each they sat around the control panel, it was going to be a bumpy ride!
Ark was in charge of navigating- which here means 'keeping on track though they can't'-, Liz was in charge of weapons- 'dropping stones on them'- and Will did everything else.
"You see that collection of rocks?" Asked Ark.
"Yes." Answered Will.
"Pull towards it!"
He pulled right towards them.
"Good. Liz how many stones have we got?"
"A lot."
"Put them on the right side of the ship."
"Great. Now break until the iron lords are to our right."
"Ok.... Done!"
"Carry on travelling at their rate put just before the collections of levitating rocks pull above them to the left."
He did so.
"Release the stones!" The stones fell down onto the ship knocking it into the asteroid belt. There was an enormous explosion and the ship combusted. The heros celebrated and then saw a planet in the horizon.
The planet was their destination.