Monday 23 December 2013

A Yuletide Horror (part 4)

I think David was enjoying it all a little too much. I mean, it was fun making weapons for our fight against the Christmas trees, but I think laughing madly and explaining it was the greatest day of his life was taking it a stretch too far. We'd come up with an essential set of weapons, three in fact. The professor was acquiring us some guns, basic rifles that didn't need that much expertise to shoot with. David was making, what he called, 'baked bean bombs.' They were basically tin cans, with explosive charges on the bottom and bits of metal and glass inside. And the rest of us were making petrol bombs, but with wine and other cheap alcohols in. The Christmas trees weren't going to know what hit them. Not that they should be able to. They are Christmas trees after all.

Seven thirty. Dobbies. A blue transit van pulls up. Unknown registration plate. That's what appeared on crime night the next month. It also says that the occupants were unknown. The occupants are Me, Suzy, Steve, David and Professor Orchard. We didn't bring Billy; he didn't really understand what was going on. Professor Orchard had driven his van to our house and so we had climbed in. He issued us each with a gun, then one of those leather belt things that you put over you chest to carry bullets. We had thanked him then given him three 'baked bean bombs' and two petrol bombs without the petrol.  We drove to Dobbies and went over one last run through of the plan. And so we climbed out.
We strolled towards the door looking awesome. The professor stood at the front of us, me and Suzy to either side of him and then Steve and David bringing up the back. The professor kicked the door open and stepped in aiming his gun around. Me and Suzy prepared ourselves then ran off to the back of the shop, where we'd seen the hoards of trees. Steve and David headed off to the basement to get our contingency plan ready.
Suzy and I were just entering the range of shed when we saw our first Christmas tree. It was about six foot. Its baubles were red and shining and it had its branching aimed at us. I couldn't move, so Suzy lined up her rifle and pulled the trigger. It gave an almighty bang and then the tree snapped in half.
That's when we heard it. The rustling of trees getting ready to attack. I looked at Suzy. Suzy looked at me. "Run." We said in unison.
We ran through the shed section, occasionally taking shots at Christmas trees. I usually missed, but I hit a few. We ran into a shed by accident and headed to the door when a hoard of Christmas trees advanced on it. We seemed to have no escape, to be killed by trees. So I spun on the spot and shot at the wall. It broke and we climbed through. "Back up plan sorted." My radio buzzed. "On our way to help the professor."
"Rodger that." I replied.
Suzy took a petrol bomb without the petrol from her belt and lit the rag sticking out of the bottle. She threw the bottle and it set fire to the shed. It started burning and set fire to all the other sheds, trapping the trees inside. "Genius, Suzy!" I cried. "Absolute genius!"
But she didn't answer. As she'd seen the thing that was behind me. The king tree. "Duck!" She cried.
I fell to the floor and watched as she shot at it. A large chunk of bark blasted off but the king tree continued dauntless. And then it blasted a cascade of pins from the branches. "Suzy!" I screamed.
I jumped up and fired a shot at the tree. I reloaded then shot at it again. I repeated this sixteen times and the tree started to move slower. I took a 'baked bean bomb' from my belt and lit the bottom. I threw it at the tree and started to walk towards Suzy. It exploded and destroyed the tree. I didn't look around though. Not because I was being awesome but because I was worried he might not be fully dead. Suzy was pinned to the wall by the pine needles. "Suzy, are you ok?"
"I'll survive." She whimpered.
"Wait whilst I free you." I said, moving closer to her.
"No. You must go on!"
"No! I can't just leave you!"
"Go, fight Christmas trees. Leave."
"Not without you!"
I heard the rustle of amassing trees and turned to her. "I'm not leaving you."
"It's your destiny mate! You must vanquish the trees. Go forth, my friend! Save Accrington."
"Alright Suzy! But I'm coming back for you!"
I jumped over a picnic table and shot a tree, kicking over a gnome. A staff only door exploded out in front of me, so I stopped and watched in trepidation. David and Steve came out of the corridor, guns blazing, shooting at dangerous trees. "Hello mate!" Shouted David. "Got a petrol bomb for me?"
"It doesn't have petrol in, but there you go!" I handed him the bottle with the rag in.
"Thanks mate!" He lit it and threw it into the corridor they'd just come out of. The trees started to burn.
"Where's Suzy?" Asked Steve.
"She heroically said she'd stay behind whilst I went on."
"Good on her!"
"Where's the Professor."
Steve pointed up, so that's where I looked. On a balcony high above us, the professor was using his rifle to duel the Christmas tree. "How swashbuckling!" I cried.
He shot the tree once more and then dropped down to join us. "We need to be getting out of here." He said. He then pointed to the army of trees that were coming to get us. "Avanti my friends!"
So we ran, across to the entrance. Professor Orchard, Steve and David ducked and ran outside. But I tripped. I hit the floor and looked up to see the Christmas trees stampeding over me. "Do it!" I cried.
David picked up the two connectors and plugged them together. Electricity surged through them and lit up the gigantic wire Christmas lights that Steve and David had set up as our contingency plan. The trees didn't realise, though, that the wire was lighting up. As the trees hit the wire, they set on fire, just like the piece of paper David had been playing with when Suzy was originally blogging.
I couldn't climb up. As the trees hit the wire, they bounced off it and fell onto me. They started to pile up and it became harder and harder for me to move. And then I felt a hand on my shoulder. It pulled me up then took my other hand and pulled me up some more. I climbed out of the trees and smiled. "Thanks Suzy."
"You're welcome. Let's get out of here."
We climbed up the tower of trees and then  jumped through the wires and down to the van. And we drove away. After that, we started becoming experts in the banishment of possessed Christmas trees. In fact, its what I do today, ten years on. The others do, as well. Steve and his wife provide us with our weapons, Suzy finds us reports of activity, the professor conducts investigations into it and David looks after our gear. I'm normally the one who goes and gets to spend hours on end observing the trees. At the moment though, I'm investigating into some bloke I met down the pub. His house disappeared, as did his existence. It's quite interesting really, and I guess the reason I'm writing this is because the bloke doesn't believe me. Neither does anyone else. So now you know the truth.
And, as my old head teacher used to say, be careful this Christmas. She always used to tell us to watch out for the ice that we could slip on, but I'm telling you to be careful of the Christmas trees. They are capable of ripping you apart, stabbing you with pine needles and bashing you with baubles. And it's sitting in the corner of your room already. It's looking at you, plotting how it'll dispose of you. It's dangerous and scheming and there's almost nothing you can do to stop it. Merry Christmas.

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